In Darkness She Is All I See
by AnotherPerson5
Summary: Glee. Sequel to When Happiness Doesn't Work. Santana/Brittany, Brittany/Tina, Santana OC. Contains references to abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Sequel to the one shot When Happiness Doesn't Work. References abuse and is a general angst fest. Santana/OC, Santana/Brittany, Brittany/Tina**

* * *

They break up at the park because Santana isn't entirely sure she'll go through with it and unlike everything else not pertaining to Brittany she doesn't want a scene.

"What?" Brittany laughs, not getting it at first and pushing herself up higher on the swings, fingers gripping the chains and face tilted towards the sun, "That's not a fun thing to joke about."

"It's not a joke, I can't do this anymore."

And then there's the sound of heels in the gravel that Brittany has managed to unearth beneath all the snow. The sound of her jacket unzipping and finally the feel of her hand on Santana's, reaching out and placing it to her chest.

"Can you feel it?"

"Feel what?"

"My heart. Can you feel it?"

"Yes."

"It's breaking," she gets off the swing and situates herself in Santana's lap, mouth at her ear, "you're breaking it… into tiny tiny pieces. It'll fall into my stomach and then I'll be empty, S, I'll be empty without you."

And she wants to give in so badly that the need just about paralyzes her. So she opens her eyes and looks her decision in the face, she contracts her hand and watches Brittany wince as nails drag into her skin and leave behind parallel red marks.

"Every time you hit me? That's how I feel."

Then she shoves Brittany off of her, fists clenched tightly as she stalks away. Because she's sick of being dirt. She's sick of everything decent and gorgeous about her being something left on the heel of her girlfriend's shoe at the end of the day and melting away into nothing. She's sick of protecting her.

Lopez's don't cry in public, so Santana waits until she's locked in the bathroom and the shower is running before she dares shed a tear.

~*~

"I can't work with S." Brittany whispers

As one the rest of the group turn their heads to stare. Mr. Schuester laughs, continuing to hand out the sheet music,

"I told you last time Santana's probation period is over, you two can be together again just like you wanted."

Nobody notices Santana twitch involuntarily, crossing her legs and refusing to follow everyone's gaze to Brittany's frown. A hand comes to rest on her thigh and she inhales

"Do you want to be together again?" she rubs her thumb, just above the edge of Santana's skirt, just below another bruise "Like I wanted?"

"No." Santana chokes, thrusting her chair backwards. Kurt's face screams for an explanation, but Mr. Schue avoids the awkward moment by announcing he'll draw the names at random and choose some new songs to fit accordingly.

Santana lingers afterward mostly because her brother just got off work and won't be by for a few more minutes. A little bit because apart of her still cares enough to make sure Brittany gets home safe as well (she's horrible with directions as a consequence of always looking up and never forward). True to his intentions Kurt and Mercedes are on either side of her while Tina sits at her feet and nods. Brittany is whispering and smiling ruefully down at Tina who blushes and pats her leg comfortingly. When Mercedes happens to glance across the room she's treated with a sneer and a flick of black braids, an unverbal diss if Santana has ever seen one. Then they're all looking at her and she swears there's a flicker of a smile before Brittany intertwines her fingers with Tina's and strokes a purple bang behind the other girl's ear.

~*~

She knows she could become someone better, the person she would have been before this thing with Brittany started, but the truth is she's only got a couple more years here and there's no point. There's no point when Brittany is walking hand in hand with Tina and fear of Santana's temper is the only thing keeping the gossip from running rampant. It's why Sherrie Jordan doesn't do anything but smile when Santana tells her she needs someone to help her stretch before practice. Sherrie is blond, but smart, she takes AP physics and is fluent in French. Her eyes are brown and she thinks Puck is a sleaze that she wouldn't bone if he was the last boy in Lima.

She's also the new second in command now that Quinn has had the kid and Santana is head cheerleader so she doesn't care that the gleeks all think she's the square root of evil for breaking up with Brittany. She's got the Cheerios on her side and if it's not about cheerleading, partying or the dirty secrets of everyone else they don't talk about it. Eventually she stops showing up to rehearsals and only has to see Brittany at practice which doesn't really count now that Coach is back and reinstated her usual cone of silence while training.

One day Sherrie kisses her in the back of the library and tells her the other reason why she would never sleep with Puck. Santana flinches when she's pushed against the book cases then sighs when the length of Sherrie is against her. There's no biting or clenching or scratching. Just soft kisses dropped slowly onto her lips until the bell rings and they exit with arms crossed, elbows touching and exchanging sly grins.

~*~

Tina joins the soccer team and Santana cheers just as hard as she would if Brittany wasn't blowing kisses to her from the sidelines. After a while she stops noticing it and starts focusing on Sherrie who memorizes the moves in French so she'll remember and looks ridiculously adorable murmuring it beneath her breath while doing a back flip.

~*~

Of course Rachel Berry has to ruin everything.

She corners Santana after a soccer game in the parking lot.

"It's about Brittany."

Santana sighs and gives Sherrie the keys to her car, "What about Brittany?"

"I think she's engaged in a domestic abuse situation with Tina, prevalent among teens our age due to-" the other girl glares, "I walked in on them in the choir room, Brittany was yelling and Tina was on the floor. Then earlier today while measuring Tina for the new outfits-which are fabulous by the way not that you care- there was a bruise on her upper arm. I know you find me intrusive and annoying-"

"Yes."

"-and I've always found you offputting and unnecessarily hostile, but Tina doesn't deserve what I know is happening to her. I'm gathering evidence to take to Mr. Schue at the end of week."

Santana crosses her arms, "So what do you expect me to do?"

Rachel shrugs, "The right thing? Goodnight."

~*~

In the locker room after practice Brittany is whistling as she laces up her sneakers in underwear and a black t-shirt. Santana clears her throat,

"Where are your pants B?"

"Oh," she straightens and looks down at herself then shrugs, "Whatever I'll just put back on my Cheerios uniform. Did you see Christina today? She was practicing that turn for weeks and now her easy il is broken."

"ACL."

"Yeah, are you gonna have Laura take her place? That'd be so funny, I heard they hate each other after Laura slept with Josh."

"Laura didn't sleep with-" she stops herself, steadying herself with a hand on one of the lockers, "Rachel knows about you and Tina so just break it off before Figgins or Schuester find out."

"Remember how I used to bite your neck and you made that sound like a puppy that's been left in the rain?" Santana rubs her forehead and nods, "Tina doesn't make that sound." Brittany pauses, "She just cries."

"Oh my god."

"And she's really bad at math even though she's Asian and she doesn't like to dress up and dance in the bowling alley lanes like in Across the Universe because she's afraid she'll fall. She has to work way harder at soccer than you have to for Track and Cheerios"

Brittany has been walking towards Santana, dressed in her uniform but with her hair not yet tied back.

"Everything is messed up, but I can't tell you to fix it because you're with that lez SJ. I miss you so much. Tina can't make things better like you."

Her fingertips graze Santana's cheek, trace up over her brown and back down to her jaw, feathering over her lips. Santana's head thuds against the locker behind her and Brittany is kissing her, nipping her lower lip and fisting her hands in the fabric of the other girl's shirt, pushing it upwards. The room echoes with the sound of their breathing as Brittany continues the assault, moaning into Santana's mouth and grinding down on her thigh.

When they part for air Brittany latches onto her neck, teeth digging into faded grooves and groaning when Santana whimpers and growls presses her waist down harder.

"I guess sex isn't dating and dating isn't sex, you haven't," she swallows her voice low, "with SJ? You haven't right?"

"No, B, **_please_.**"

"Has she found any of my roses? I left them for you to find, they're-" Santana's glad there's nothing above her head, jerking up as Brittany's fingers dig into a mark on the base of her spine. She hadn't paid attention to the ache there, thinking it was from falling at practice, but she pays attention now arching away which presses her tighter to Brittany.

"Stop."

"I don't want to."

"Stop touching me."

"No."

"I said stop!" She throws her force outwards and Brittany is on the floor, eyes wide as she looks up at Santana who stands with her fists clenched, color spreading from her neck upwards. Now it's Brittany whose afraid, who is reaching out a hand and saying her name as if reminding her who she is. It's Brittany dragging herself to her feet with guilt and hurt and pain in her eyes. But Santana can never do what was done to her, as much as she wants to. As much as she wants to yell and kick and scream at the person who has made her into an ice queen when all she wanted was a happily ever after, she can't do it.

She turns away, unsurprised when Brittany races after her, grabbing her hand

"S, wait. I'm sorry, please, feel my heart." Santana turns around and Brittany smiles in relief, kissing her palm and pressing it to her chest, "Can you feel it?"

"Yeah, but I can't feel _mine. _Because I gave it away…to you. Want to know where it is now?" she snatches her hand away and smiles painfully, "In tiny tiny pieces. But I'd rather be empty than with you."

~*~

Lopez's don't cry in public. Santana waits until she can Brittany's sob from the other side of the door before she dares shed a tear.


	2. Chapter 2

Brittany and Tina break it off, but not before Tina claims it was all Santana's fault. Brittany told her Santana was going to mention their relationship to Figgins who would tell their parents. Nobody bothers to ask why Figgins would care in the first place and Santana never tries to tell her side. If that's what it means to do the right thing then whatever.

Because honestly it's hardly a blip on her radar when the Cheerios win Finals with her and Sherrie at the podium to accept the trophy. In the days leading up Brittany had been doing her own thing, dancing through the traveling soap opera freak show that was the Glee Club. The night after their win Santana let Sherrie see the fading bruises on her inner thigh and the other marks Brittany had left for her to enjoy.

Sherrie makes a big deal about kicking her blonde ass, but eventually lets it go temporarily. When they wake up, the hotel door firmly locked, Santana makes her promise not to tell anyone. Brittany hasn't been dating and if there's no problem they didn't need to create one. It's all a way of saying what she hasn't been able to admit yet.

She still loves Brittany.

She doesn't like her anymore, but the instinct to take care of her still exists. She sees her in the library one day, frustrated because the book is confusing. Usually its Santana who starts explaining as soon as she gets that look on her face, but Brittany doesn't see her. Her heel taps the floor creating a noise that causes some to raise their heads. Brittany continues tapping seemingly lost in thought when really she's fighting the urge to throw the book across the room and yell at it or someone who she can throw as easily as a book. Santana toys with the end of her hair until a boy who has been whispering about the tapping sticks out his pencil towards Brittany as if to poke her.

Santana puts her phone to her ear, "What a bitch a roo! Tell her it's on come Friday."

"Santana Lopez!"

The boy drops her pencil and Brittany stops tapping her feet, watching the librarian walk Santana out to the hall.

* * *

Brittany gets herself into detention so she can pass her a note saying, "Thanks" and Santana gets it into her head that maybe she's changed a little. When their monitor leaves Brittany switches into the desk behind her and without prompting Santana explains what the study questions meant and what assignments Brittany could get away with not doing.

"What if we just hung out like this?"

"I don't know..." 

" I miss my best friend. Don't you miss me?" 

She wants to tell Sherrie, but at first it really is just hanging out. Brittany's number is back in her phone under "zzzB" not that she thinks anyone would go looking. It's a just-in-case because she doesn't want it to be made a big deal of yet when it isn't. In the beginning it's only coffee behind the store before school and late night conversations while Santana is listening to music and Brittany is figuring out if she wants to change her hair or not. Sherrie comes up and they talk about it like they would've before, gossiping when necessary, but mostly having enough end of the year drama to work with.

Then Coach Sylvester chews Brittany out for excelling in Glee while slacking off in Cheerios.

"It's time to pick a side Heidi."

They sneak onto the field to practice Brittany's flips and her step-turns. Brittany tells her all SJ's obsession with French cuisine is making Santana fat and Santana tells her if she catches Brittany listening to Tina's emotechjustsayno crap again they're no longer besties. Sometime in between laughs and having to renounce all intentions to practice they wind up on the bleachers staring up at the sky.

"The other day I got mad at Puck for totally lying about the other night and all I did was call you."

"Did it help?"

"Totally. I'm different now, S, all because of you."

She kisses her and Santana wants to pull back, but Brittany is right. She has calmed down a lot and has been apologizing by fighting what would make her happier, thinking of someone else for once. Santana kisses her back,pulls her close with arms that no longer constantly ache, and bites down her neck. Brittany shivers and lets her do it and eventually they wind up in Santana's car, smiling into each kiss like they've both finally made it back home after being lost for days. Sometimes Brittany tugs too hard or begins to scratch down Santana's back until curling her fingers away to stroke and tickle instead. Otherwise it's…nice. Santana curls around Brittany's middle and looks up at her, kissing one of her ribs.

"It'll be different this time," Brittany whispers, "I promise."

They pinky swear.

* * *

Sherrie thinks she's a coward and possibly cracked in the head. She knows Santana is screwing up enough of her flips so Brittany can take her (rightful) place next to Santana in lineup.

"You've been keeling to the left for like two weeks. I didn't want to mention it because who's stupid enough to bite the hand that gives it up so easy. Get over yourself SJ."

"You're covering for that…girl so badly it's almost pathetic, you know that?" Santana crosses her arms. "Be miserable then, I'm sure that's how she likes you best."

It ends for real the fourth time Brittany hits her. The first is after she picks her up from Glee Club. Kurt and Mercedes got it into their head that Santana didn't want Brittany with anyone else all while she slept with anyone who had a pulse. Tina is still heartbroken over Brittany and Santana showing up to take her ex's hand and kiss her mouth like she's entitled to it is the last straw.

"Pick a side. The wicked witch of Lima Heights or us."

"Screw all you nerds." Santana responds before she can think it out past being insulted. "She didn't pick me I picked her."

It sounds bad without context, without them knowing exactly what she was choosing since Tina couldn't muster up the courage to admit what Brittany did to her. In the car Brittany watches Santana drive and punches her shoulder. She tells her it was stupid to freak out like that because if Coach did cut her and nobody at Glee liked her she'd have nothing. She wanted them to like each other again which wouldn't happen if Santana had to yell at every person who said anything mean. She should have ignored it, but she didn't and tomorrow Brittany wouldn't be able to sit at their table and Rachel was making cookies in the shape of music notes.

"Why don't you think, S?"

"I'm sorry, I overreacted."

When Brittany grabs the hairs at the back of her neck it feels like the kiss on the bleachers. Inevitable.

* * *

The fourth time Brittany hits her Finn sees it. Arguing with Quinn and Rachel he obliviously follows them into the girls bathroom to see Brittany sitting on top of Santana, kissing her wrist and holding her throat.

"What. The. Hell."

"Language." Quinn hisses and drags Brittany off her.

Santana's lower lip is bleeding, the collar of her shirt is stretched and tearing and her eye flickers as if on the verge of closing up. She's dizzy from the sudden un-clench of Brittany's fist and Rachel has to stay close to keep her from falling over.

"Schuester," they chorus.

Their parents are on the other side of the door along with Rachel, Schuester, Figgins, coach and Tina. Santana's bandages continue to itch while Brittany looks at her from the other side of the hall.

"Fix it."

"I can't."

"Fix it."

"I can't."

"Fix it! Santana!" Tears fill Brittany's eyes. "Please."

"I can't, Brittany," she crosses her arms, looking away, "there's nothing I can do."

Brittany takes off her sneaker and throws it, then the other, then her stockings and hair ties until she's on her knees in front of Santana and they're both ignoring the now open door.

Brittany presses her forehead to Santana's, kneading the back of her calves, "Do something, S."

"I don't want to."

Brittany's father grabs her around the waist while her mother silently picks up the clothes. Santana stands up to watch them leave and when she turns around Kurt, Quinn, Rachel, Finn, Tina, Arti, her parents and her brothers are there.

Some of them apologize , some of them only hug her and tell her it'll be okay. They have Brittany transferred to another school and once the truth gets around Santana ignores the whispers ("Who lets themselves get beat up by _her?) _and glances._  
_

* * *

After graduation a van pulls up, Tina waves at her from the passenger seat and Sherrie's head pops out from the top, "Need a ride Lopez?"

She thinks of saying 'I have a car' or 'Get lost', but instead grins. "Only if I get to drive."

"Deal!" Everyone inside shouts while Finn's jaw drops.

"Speed bumps should be painted to look like dogs so people will try to avoid them."

Santana rolls her eyes, taking the keys and explaining the point isn't to make the roads an obstacle course but to slow people down. She's met with fierce agreement and drives them to the closest grad party with a smile on her face.

Maybe she's not so empty after all.


End file.
